Hi! Considering my username has the year 2014 in it, i haven’t written in months, and it is now late august of 2015 i’d say i’m a tinsy bit rusty when it comes to writing. Just a little. But i’m going to attempt once again to do this. The only difference is i’ll be posting it online if not for me then for you the reader. Its a lot simpler to just write in a word document than to hook up my WiFi and go through the agonizing pain of waiting for this site to load. With that being said i promise to dedicate myself to finishing this whether online or offline.
Post writing challenge- Introduce yourself
Sometimes i feel as if i dont know myself. I understand im only 15 and i have a lot more mental growing to do even if im done physically. When i get rid of one ‘issue’ another seems to pop up. If you were to list my attributes, traits, etc. Paranoid would be in that list, along with stressed.
Here’s the thing, with each of those attributes comes a catch. Yes i may move my front camera device away from my face when i’m doing something like blowing my nose because hello talking Angela anyone? All jokes aside i dont think my camera is out to get me i just watch way to many crime shows in which Penelope and Reid can find out anything. I learned that it tells about 12 or 15 seconds to trace someones location. I mentioned this to my mom one day she replied with “What have you done that someone wants to find you?” needless to say i didn’t bring that up again because she made a good point. Now when i do on occasion do something i have no business doing, i radiate guilt and suspicion. Half of the time i honestly am not doing anything but when i am my behavior shifts slightly and everyone except for me becomes aware. Its irritating but i suppose if i didn’t have it i would think i was untouchable at home. Maybe.
a person who tends to dwell unduly on difficulty or troubles.2. Aka me
I worry about everything. I stressed the summer of 2013 about my prom dress-for 2014. Hundreds of pictures filtered my albums divided into sections by key details in the dresses. When it came time to buy a dress i ended up purchasing a short white, glittery, poofy dress that was probably the only type of dress i hadn’t seen on Google, Instagram or Facebook. Thus i ran my grandmother crazy for about 3 months not including conversations during the school year for nothing. Summer of 2014 oh my, i stressed so badly over attending high school. The uniform shirts, where i would sit at lunch, the teachers, the fact that my school is full of 88% males were just some of which i panicked over. While all of those things were important to me the idea of not fitting in trumped them all. Again it was all for nothing, i had friends the first day, i didn’t sit alone at all, it all went well. My ninth grade year was over all great. There are somethings i would changed but its all part my journey so i’ll cope with them instead of thinking what if.
I’ve changed this summer though. I focused on my hair and makeup instead of whether or not i passed that test i took about 3 weeks ago because i would of had a head of gray hair had i focused on that after i left the test room. I went outside without my signature side bangs and felt confident. I actually attended school one day for the first time in years without my bangs. No i didn’t feel like wonder woman but it was a big step in taking away power from what makes me the most self conscience.
I’m a 15 teen year old teenager who doesn’t make split second decisions without major contemplating. I’m a complicated soul with a simple life that has obstacles whether made up or physically there. Im learning who i am little by little.