30 day writing challenge introduction

Hi! Considering my username has the year 2014 in it, i haven’t written in months, and it is now late august of 2015 i’d say i’m a tinsy bit rusty when it comes to writing. Just a little.  But i’m going to attempt once again to do this. The only difference is i’ll be posting it online if not for me then for you the reader. Its a lot simpler to just write in a word document than to hook up my WiFi and go through the agonizing pain of waiting for this site to load. With that being said i promise to dedicate myself to finishing this whether online or offline.

Post writing challenge- Introduce yourself

Sometimes i feel as if i dont know myself. I understand im only 15 and i have a lot more mental growing to do even if im done physically. When i get rid of one ‘issue’ another seems to pop up. If you were to list my attributes, traits, etc. Paranoid would be in that list, along with stressed.

Here’s the thing, with each of those attributes comes a catch. Yes i may move my front camera device away from my face when i’m doing something like blowing my nose because hello talking Angela anyone? All jokes aside i dont think my camera is out to get me i just watch way to many crime shows in which Penelope and Reid can find out anything. I learned that it tells about 12 or 15 seconds to trace someones location. I mentioned this to my mom one day she replied with “What have you done that someone wants to find you?” needless to say i didn’t bring that up again because she made a good point. Now when i do on occasion do something i have no business doing, i radiate guilt and suspicion. Half of the time i honestly am not doing anything but when i am my behavior shifts slightly and everyone except for me becomes aware. Its irritating but i suppose if i didn’t have it i would think i was untouchable at home. Maybe.

wor·ry·wart

noun

NORTH AMERICANinformal
noun: worry-wart
  1. a person who tends to dwell unduly on difficulty or troubles.
    2. Aka me

I worry about everything. I stressed the summer of 2013 about my prom dress-for 2014. Hundreds of pictures filtered my albums divided into sections by key details in the dresses. When it came time to buy a dress i ended up purchasing a  short white, glittery, poofy dress that was probably the only type of dress i hadn’t seen on Google, Instagram or Facebook. Thus i ran my grandmother crazy for about 3 months not including conversations during the school year for nothing. Summer of 2014 oh my, i stressed so badly over attending high school. The uniform shirts, where i would sit at lunch, the teachers, the fact that my school is full of 88% males were just some of which i panicked over. While all of those things were important to me the idea of not fitting in trumped them all. Again it was all for nothing, i had friends the first day, i didn’t sit alone at all, it all went well. My ninth grade year was over all great. There are somethings i would changed but its all part my journey so i’ll cope with them instead of thinking what if.

I’ve changed this summer though. I focused on my hair and makeup instead of whether or not i passed that test i took about 3 weeks ago because i would of had a head of gray hair had i focused on that after i left the test room. I went outside without my signature side bangs and felt confident. I actually attended school one day for the first time in years without my bangs. No i didn’t feel like wonder woman but it was a big step in taking away power from what makes me the most self conscience.

I’m a 15 teen year old teenager who doesn’t make split second decisions without major contemplating. I’m a complicated soul with a simple life that has obstacles whether made up or physically there. Im learning who i am little by little.

Know How to Speak to others

About an hour ago i just went to get my eyebrows done. I go to this new place that opened up around the corner. Ive gone there about 8 times i believe. Ive never had an issue with them.

I use to get wax but when I went to them I started getting thread but i have a low tolerance for pain.

Really low

Its ridiculous.

So I squirm in the chair, squinch my eyes, try my best to ignore the ever growing stress pains shooting up my leg from trying to sit still.

Never once has anyone said anything if anything they found it amusing. The lady who has done my eyebrows before today decided to speak up.

“Do you not have any sense?” she said pausing ” How am I suppose to do your eyebrows if you keep doing this”

She sucked her teeth afterwards.

I honestly do not care if I had decided to wiggle like a worm while she did my eyebrows if im paying you and my 5 dollars at the end of the day makes the decision of rather or not your buisness can open the next day you show me respect. 14 or 40 I am a paying customer who you should treat fairly. You can think im dead wrong in every way possible but you are not to show it.

If you dont want to do your job dont come to work

If you in a mood dont take it out on others.

You know those undercover boss operations. Had I been part of one I swear they would be putting a for rent sign up as I type this.

I would never go back there again but I dont have many other options close by to tame my bushes of eyebrows so the next time I go back she will not be doing my eyebrows.

You never question your customer like that. I wish I could of cussed her out.

I wish I had stormed out saying im never coming back.

I wish I hadnt payed for a set of jacked up looking eyebrows.

I wish that i had did something instead i took it and continued to sit there and take it. To top it off i told her to have a good day.

She showed no professionalism whats so ever.

She was wrong but then again so am I for not speaking up.

So am I for not doing anything.

Gosh im such a pushover sometimes.

~InsideOut

Its Okay to be Nervous

So I started high school exactly 2 days ago for those of you who didn’t know. I was a nervous wreck. I drove my family crazy for weeks. I stressed so bad the very idea of high school made me want to cry.When I started telling the friends I made how bad I reacted they brushed it off [all except one] saying they didn’t see why and all that.

Its okay to be nervous. 

At least one person where ever you are felt some jitters. Guys just feel its unmanly to admit feeling actual emotions unless they are pointed towards a girl usually. 

My very first friend in my high school and I bonded quickly over our jitters. Honestly i’m real glad i stepped out of my comfort zone and spoke to her first because we have every single class down to last period together and we ride the same bus. I think we’ll be great friends. I also made friends with 2 other guys and another female. 

Overall i’m two days in and I still feel nervous for some reason the day before for some reason. My classmates are cool though I don’t have problems with none of them I guess it helps they think i’m pretty. I like most of my teachers i haven’t met my gym teacher yet i heard hes a tough one. Which isnt good since im not very athletic I carry my weight well but i’m not a size 5. I like to eat good thing i havent passed a size 9.

I over analyze everything.

Overthink

What ever you want to call it. I do it.

So the point to this long ramble that went off topic is its okay to be nervous.

I was

My first friend is.

I was nervous entering 6th grade and didnt like the school i was in till 7th going on 8th grade. Im lucky to not have the same feelings going into highschool to be honest.

You will be fine.

Look at  me i was.

 

~ InsideOut

Highschool

Okay i’ll admit it.

The past weeks have been spent worrying about high-school. Endless streams of questions that would drive anyone nuts. You see the school i will be attending in two days is being considered quote unquote bad. Im a real smart kid though. No im not geeky i just have a good head on my shoulders

I admit it probably was in 2013 but there’s a new principle that’s no joke. I believe she’ll straighten everything up. She has already made some major improvements.

I’ve worried about everything from where should i sit at lunch to how will my dyed hair look [It looks real nice], to how will my peers treat me. I think everything will be okay what really shook me up was this big crowd of rowdy boys that sat together leading me to think everything negative possible. I over think and stress everything. Half the time i have no reason to. I actually am less nervous now then i was awhile ago how ironic huh.

I just need to quit worrying about how much someone might like me and just go with the flow. My 3rd day orientation i made a friend so i must be doing something right. Right?

A decade or two from  now when i have kids I hope they handle this a lot better then i did. Maybe its ‘cuz im a girl? None of my other friends were at all worried. I wish them all the best. I wish myself the best and I hope to do a follow up report full of giggles and rainbows.

Tomorrow i will go to bed.

Wake up

And start the first day of high school. Those butterflies are starting to come back but i think i’ll be okay.

The Best Age

When i’m with my friends and the topic of our futures come up. I never fail to mention that 16 and 21 are the best ages. There is as much truth lying in that sentence as there are lies.

Being a teenager is hard. Any adult that tells you all you have to do is go to school and stay focused forgot how it was to be this age. I’m yet to be 16 but in the harsh reality that’s our society filled with hate, judgement, fear, temptations and odd acts of courage its impossible to stay fully focused. Those who seem to do like myself are battling internal demons every single day.

Being 16 comes with the rush of freedom, responsibility, and the opportunity of new chances. The rebel age for some, 16 is a sweet age age full of misery and love. The possibility of waking up to a new car is the breath of fresh air most hope to take.

Now a days i’ve come to realize this- my– generation is changing for the worse. The common age of dating dropped from 16 to 12; when i asked my friend at the time if she’d ever been in a fight she replied “of course”, half of my friends smoke and drink already which brings me to my next ‘best’ age.

 

21

Now besides being fully legal or able to party and drink [which isnt that special most days] the whole shabam of being 21 is a total bust and just another birthday and accomplishment for others.  If you can say that at 14 youve got a habit of smoking a joint to relax or drink because you feel youre grown enough to- my guess is 21 isnt all that. Except now you wont risk getting arrested for under age blah blah.

Big woop

Happy birthday to you.

Ages 11 through 17 seem to be the hardest. Mentally i mean. You either learn to embrace or hide who you are because of others. It sucks. I honestly wish that it wasnt that way. Those who have tough skin and a smile that shines through every moment… I admire you.

Now back to the reason at hand the best ages arent 16 and 21 but one and two

three and four

five and six

The ages where you just dont care, you could walk down the street butt naked finger in your nose sporting a drool filled grin and you didnt have a care in the world. The difference between wearing Jordans and shoes from pay less was non existent. You learn to appreciate that moment to late but when you’re that young you bask in the momentum called life still believing in hopes and dreams and that my friend makes one, two, three, four, five and six the best ages.

~InsideOut

 

 

Game starter

Have you ever wondered why things happen? There was a photo somewhere online that stated everything, and anything that happens is preparing you for something else. The truth that lies behind that theory is something ive come to live by. So my stumbling upon this website [the way I did is a story for another day] must be for a reason right? Lets hope its a good one.  If anyone happens to find my web page and is reading this… I hope I give you sanity or help you to feel better about your insanity as you learn about me inside out.

~ InsideOut2014